Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Vanderpump Rules: And Cue Predicted Exit of a Scorned Laura Leigh

Vanderpump Rules's Laura-Leigh

While watching last night's episode of Stassi and Jax: Sur Love, I was channeling a little Nene Lekes in season one when she was faux-acting while reading the results of the paternity test of whether her alleged father was her biological father. Seriously, I had a lot of facial expressions and was communicating with the tv like I was at a Housewives party gone awry (Redundant, I know). Seriously, I was so immersed in the show that I had not only facial expressions, but verbal responses to what was going on. I think at one point I may have even verbally assaulted Stassi for the way she treated Laura Leigh. Ok, so not really, but only because Laura Leigh was fully capable of pulling the victim tampon out of Stassi's ass for her. 

Straight from the start of the episode you knew it was over for Laura Leigh, whether you saw the promos for the week or not, homegirl was dunzos. You could tell Jax was feeling like the fun, lighthearted, you're-everything-Stassi-is-not-and-by-dating-you-I'm-getting-back-at-her relationship was over and he wanted out. The first tell tale sign was the obnoxious comment of asking her if talking through the glass door was like talking to her father when he's in prison. And then... the biggie. Telling her she should go to New York for a month to concentrate on her acting. He then tries to cushion that one with a "But I'll miss you" or "I don't want you to go."  LL Bambi obviously caught onto that one and responds with "It's not about you, it's about  my career." If only Jax used his passive aggression to hand her the book  He's Just Not That Into You (Or even the movie, Justin Long's character could have taught her a lot.), the relationship would have ended right there. And so Jax tries to end things, but instead goes to an AA meeting with her. (Which, I'm pretty sure the second A stands for anonymous, so why was the meeting filmed for tv? More proof of fiction?) Jax tells her he wants to slow things down, except in the bedroom. Because that's just what every girl wants to hear. Oh, and did Laura Leigh say she's been sober for SIX days? Did she fall off the wagon while with Jax? Okay, now I'm getting legitimately worried about fictional Laura Leigh. 

vanderpump-rules-season-1-gallery-episode-107-07The pool party scene was a simple gratuitous bikini shot, lets be honest. Were they discussing anything? Was Stassi supposed to be blogging? Oh no, heaven forbid I say blogging. Blogging is people who write and don't go back to edit and push publish right away. Sorry about that, Stassi, I mean write for a professional website which happens to be her best friend's mother's website. There was some pish posh about Kristen. Honestly, I still get confused between Kristen and Katie and I don't understand why they are on the outs? And apparently the K's did not get the memo about wearing hot buns.

Pandora_Vanderpump_weddingThe showdown at the Vanderpump Mansion, excuse me, Villa Rosa, provided me with so much giddiness! First off, Villa Rosa is a cluttered mess. did they try and put everything from their previous mansion in this smaller house? And is there a mote around the house that you have to cross a bridge to get into it? And the glass doors make it look more like a boutique rather than a house. Seriously, is it just a nouveau Beverly Hills Bed and Breakfast?

On to the spanking Pandora handed to Stassi. Pandy may look more like her father, but she has the narcissism of her mother but instead of humor, she's got a side of...more narcissism. I remember in last season of RHOBH she gave some nasty looks to her fiance, and loved living off the coattails of her parents money and fame. Regardless, it was a spanking Stassi desperately needed. Oh, and she has 25-35 people working for her? Does she not know the exact number? Must make annual evaluations difficult when she doesn't know who her staff is.  And so Stassi goes into some mellow drama about how Laura Leigh betrayed her. How is that not the same as what you did with Frank to Jax?

vanderpump-rules-season-1-gallery-episode-107-15In proper symmetrical fashion, in contrast to the ladies hen party, the boys go to work out. Or was this a workout? (Eerily similar to an episode of Laguna Beach where Jason and one of the girls go "surfing" but neither is wet and they even jokingly acknowledge how rough the waves were.) I don't know, but looking at the fitness shape of these boys, I think they do more than the balance beam and monkey bars to stay in shape And so  the Toms' comically flirt with one another and then dive into the ground. . I think this scene just may have shown the breakout stars of the show, Tom and Tom. They're debauchery just may be the next spin off of Vanderpump Rules. Dumb and Dumber: Tom and Tommer. (Ok, so that was pretty bad.) T. Schwartz doesn't say a lot, but when he does he knows how to throw down some funny. Remember in the Vegas episode he told Sandoval that he should have done some push ups before taking his shirt off and threatening Frank with a fight? I think Schwartz really needs more face time. We could do without Katie, when she does make an appearance she just cries and tells Stassi how much she loves her.

Straight off the cuff a finger wag by Lisa and Pandora, Stassi goes into work where she is dealt a barrage of bullets by Laura Leigh. But oh no, there was no ducking or dodging. No no. Stassi sat there with her bulletproof skimpy dress and deflected the bullets with condescension.  This has to be further proof that the show is scripted. I have never seen a person be so cruel to anyone other than in Cruel Intentions and Mean Girls! Granted, I did laugh a little when Stassi mocked LL for how she pronounced spoil, but it was more of an uncomfortable laugh. I give LaLe props though, girlfriend never backed down. She kept on with her bullets and ended with a victim tampon up the ass allegation which Stassi responded with an impressed look. Finally Lisa's partner, Guillermo, breaks it up. I expected more out of him, but he pleasantly grants Stassi's wish to leave. Hmmm, attempted acting by Guillermo?

Scheana Marie, Eddie Cibrian Affair Prompts Sur Vanderpump SpinoffSo I'm still baffled about the Scheana Maria debacle.  She was supposed to work, but then told to cover someone's shift and so she missed an audition? Or no, she's upset that things are still not resolved with Brandi? There were tears, there was screaming, Lisa got involved and then she called her boyfriend to pick her up. I think only about 50% of the people on this show have cars. Everyone is always asking for a ride or going somewhere in a taxi! I think this Scheana part was just to give her some face time, it must be in her contract that she gets five minutes an episode or something.

And with the final episode coming next week, the inevitable I-want-you-back, Stassi conversation was the denouement last night.  We knew it was going to happen, I just figured it would be in the finale episode, but according to promos, Jax is going to endear us all with some monologue and Stassi cries. Is he going to admit that he did get a girl pregnant two months ago? Or maybe he'll say that he's actually in love with Schwartz and that he's leaving Sur to work at Jack in the Box.

And the show concluded with Laura Leigh's Julliard-ly intense exit. Apparently, Stassi has informed Jax to stop communicating with Laura Leigh, so he abruptly does so without telling her why. And so since Jax won't talk to LL she confronts him at the bar, when he's bartending and serving customers drinks. The look on that customers faces was priceless, especially when LL clued them in on what happened. And scene.  Oh, and you know you laughed when she mentioned how Jax defriended her on Facebook.

Farewell, Laura Leigh. Oh how we'll miss your angelic voice, intense communication skills and ability to express emotion so well with your hands. But we all knew you were a pawn, stay sober and hope to see you on the red carpet soon! We'll definitely wish we were nicer to you.

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  1. Did no one catch Laura Leigh's declaration "Okay, hey...sorry I've been f***ing you every day without protection..."??

    The only way this season finale could get any better is if LL is with child. And if Jax is indeed telling Stassi that he is LL's future baby daddy. Bam!

    Btw... I found your blog whilst doing a google search to find out if LL is knocked up with the Jaxster's kiddo. I enjoyed your rundown of the show :)

    1. Funny...you stole my thoughts. I am betting that Laura-Leigh is pregnant by Jax jacking it sans protection (how sad).

  2. Thanks, PAWsPeaches!

    Yes, I noticed that too! But I didn't think that could be the season finale ending. Good prediction!

  3. Did anyone notice while Laura Leigh blew up at Stassi at the staff meeting, Jax was sitting next to her mouthing every word she was saying? Definitely scripted.

  4. No, I didn't notice that! I did find that in the scene when LL was telling off Jax in front of the customers it seemed like a script she had memorized. Her hand movements and articulation of speech seemed far too calculated.