Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Vanderpump Rules: I think it's Time for the Intervention Banner

Good GawdMy obsession with this show is getting eerily similar to my feelings of season three of Real Housewives of New York City. Bethenny and Jill were frenemies regarding a squabble over someone needing to get a hobby, there was denial of an alleged psychotic break by former model on an exotic island and money just couldn't buy you class. I was feeding a newborn around the clock and the only thing that could keep me awake were the antics of middle aged (and a little past middle aged) women spouting the b word, (bully, not bitch.) I have an odd affinity to that season, reminds me of good times of lack of sleep, a colicky baby and 20 lbs that needed to be shedded. May not sound like good times to you, but memories of the birth of my first child, but I've far passed the line where my point was being made, put out the lost dog signs and come find me! 

lisa-vanderpump-sur-employeesSo I've just finished watching last night's episode of Vanderpump Rules and I am beyond hooked. Am I painfully ashamed? Yes. Will I cut the bad habit? No, and I don't have to justify why. Defensiveness, I think that's a sign of addiction. Anyways, so it's all gotten so entangled and so delightfully enthralling! It's like watching a soap opera but in fast forward and without the 30 year old actors who have 20 year old children. (I always found it odd how quickly children grow up on that show and the adults regress in age.)

The show starts with Lisa having a sit down with Jax regarding his trip to Vegas. Emotions were flying and tears were shed. Yes, that is correct. Tears were shed. And not by Lisa. On national television a 32 year old man was crying because he went to Vegas to start something at the request of producers and realized he ruined his relationship with his tyrant girlfriend.

And then the plot thickened like a bowl of oatmeal that's sat out far too long. Jax hooked up with another Sur server who happens to be friends with Stassi, Laura Leigh. (Are these names for real? At least try to make them a little more believable!) Jax tells Peter, the manager, that he's not intending on having a relationship with Laura Leigh, but poor, poor LL Bean feels a little differently. After Jax flirts with some patrons she comes up to him asking if they were flirting with them and if she should go talk to them, in a joking manner of course. But oh did I cringe. Cringed so much. I felt so bad for Laura Leigh. Girlfriend, he's just not that into you, despite the flirtation. He's after one thing, revenge. Don't let this little fling knock you off your sobriety of meth (She said it, I'm not pulling a Brandi and alleging people are crystal meth addicts.)

So of course Stassi knows about this and is ready to pull out her daggers and make someone pay, so she goes on a texting rampage berating the LL Bambi telling her no one at Sur likes her and she has no friends meanwhile she is at a party at Kristen's place where she is invited but Stassi is not. Ahhh, I can smell the crow that Stassi was being served at that point.

And the the ex-adulterer Scheana Marie is having her debut as a singer/dancer. This was the part of the episode where I knew the show had to be scripted. So Scheana gets her old cheerleading pals to be her backup singers and dancers and perform for the show. So she performs and it was....not good. The way Stassi foreshadowed it to be, Britney Spears at her worse times ten was pretty much dead on, except no one acknowledged it. Seriously, there was a polka dotted elephant in the room that just passed some serious gas but nobody even broke face! Not only did they acknowledge it, they all commented on how the air smelled of roses, yes they said she did good, even Stassi! Did everyone see the same thing? Were my eyes playing tricks on me? That performance was worse than Britney's attempt of a comeback at the VMA's where you could see her extensions, colored contacts and soft belly. In the middle of the concert Scheana and Stassi even hug! Bad idea Scheana Marie, if you aren't at odds with Stassi what kind of airtime are you going to get? Go talk to Taylor from BH, she'll school you on how to usurp the attention at a party and have all cameras on you.

Oh! And mid episode, before the concert, Lisa stages a staff meeting to sort out who is sleeping with who and who is fighting. I think she just wanted to hear all the gossip because other than some snickering by Scheana, LL Cool Addict and Stassi having a verbal dance off, ok so Stassi was just sitting back patronizing Laura Leigh while she was trying to knock her off her pedestal, nothing was accomplished. Although, the best part of this scene was Lisa's response to LL's monologue which was  directed towards Stassi, "Boom." I would have gone with "Take that, bitch," but an English Boom was just much classier. And there was some group contemplation of whether Stassi was a ghetto bitch, why the contemplation of the obvious?

On Watch What Happens Live! Kristen was on with Kyle Richards. Seriously Kristen, you have got to rev it up. It could have basically been an overly tanned, stick figure sitting next to Kyle. You could see Cohen fight to get words out of her but to no avail as she answered every question with one to two word answers. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and blame it on nerves rather than lack of personality.

The SUR Servers Get Naked in Vanderpump Rules Season 1, Episode 4I can't believe I have to wait a whole week for another episode, looks someone maybe getting canned! Hopefully it's someone disposable like those bussers who hang around Stassi to get airtime, they're just fluff characters.

Someone, please, be in my living room when I wake up with that Intervention banner. Hubby just asked me if I was keeping up with the Jodi Arias trial. No, but I can name who is going to be on Watch What Happens Live! every night this week. Sad. So sad. 

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